For baptism

It is not just to see God's messenger, who could be our deliverer, that we seek John. No, though it will be great to be a part of the army straightening the Lord's path, I was reminded today that we go to John for more than the prophets' speculations.

Leah and I spoke today with another who is seeking John. The man was very pleasant--a delight to speak with and somebody who I would wish for as neighbor. However, when I asked him, as a matter of course, whether he was excited to meet the Baptizer, the man grew very silent.

Leah looked at me worried first for the man, then with an accusatory expression that must have implied I'd said something wrong. But how could I have known? It was a normal question! And certainly she had little right to question how I conducted our affairs. As the man's silence continued I began to grow ashamed at myself and angry at Leah's implied accusation. When I almost thought I could take no more and was about to beg the stranger's forgiveness, he finally spoke.

"You know that John has appeared proclaiming a 'baptism of repentence for the forgiveness of sins?'"

"Yes," I replied, "it means he is a holy one. Maybe even Son of God!"

Calmly and slowly, with a patience in his eyes, the man chastised me: "You did not listen to what I said."

"I beg your forgiveness, but this is what the prophets say."

He looked down and absent-mindedly fiddled with his belt, deep in thought for a second. I was reminded of an old Rabbi back in Rumah who would act this way when posed with a very difficult question. He looked up, first at Leah and then at me, and asked "What is John going to do?"

I knew better, but spoke immediately: "He will save us from the Romans!"

The man shook his head and looked expectantly at Leah. She looked at me and I nodded my assent--she could respond.

"He is going to baptize us," she told the man. "He will cleanse us of our sins."

"Before he does, he asks for repentance," the man said.

"Well, certainly," I jumped in, "we would not be seeking baptism if we had not repented of our sins. Leah and I go to temple--we know ourselves to be sinful creatures. This whole trek--of our sinful natures we repent."

"I don't think he means just that," said Leah. She began to sit up straighter, her eyes growing larger. "He means a public repentance. Zeke--we might have to confess our sins... in public!"

The old man nodded. "You understand why I am not excited. I have collected many sins and am ill-prepared to proclaim them all to the world. Especially not to people as good as you, whose favorable opinion I desire."

I only half-heard his compliment--my breathing had stopped at Leah's declaration. After a few seconds of silence I distractedly said something like "we like you, too, let's keep in touch, see you on the flipside." Leah helped him up and as he set back upon the path to the wilderness I began to panic.

"Leah--I don't even know all my sins! How could I confess each one? And what if I do so in the presence of one against whom I've sinned?" I meant her, for I recalled my earlier anger at her accusing glance, and I recalled things I've said in the presence of Elia and others at the vineyard that certainly she would not have found respectful.

And this was to say nothing of the hatred in my heart for the Romans! The prophet Micah tells us that the Lord requires us to love kindness, but I have spat in the path of more than one Centurion. If any of them are present with John to hear me confess that, I might as well not return to Rumah! Certainly my house and job won't be there to welcome me...

"We are to confess in the presence of the one against whom we've sinned--his name is the Lord," Leah said. She reached for my chin and turned my head, so I went from looking down to looking at her. "And I know it will be difficult, but..." She cast her eyes downward. "But you are not the only one who has sinned." I could tell that she was as nervous as I, and for trying to comfort me in the face of that uncertainty I loved her all the more. I thanked the Lord for putting us together as I kissed her and, hand in hand, we set ourselves back on the path to the wilderness.

It is good that Leah and I have another day or two before we reach the Jordan River below the Jabbok, where the Judean wilderness begins. In sinning against others I do sin against the Lord. If I am to publicly confess my sins for this baptism, I should begin thinking of those things from which I should repent now...

On this blog you can choose to post anonymously. For what sins do you repent? What is your confession to the Lord?

posted by Jerad @ 11:03 PM Comments: 0